


Late Objections

by T-Phon (TahnosTisiphone)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance, Royai - Freeform, Wedding, fma, implied HavBec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7284397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TahnosTisiphone/pseuds/T-Phon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Edward Elric gets an invitation to the wedding of Riza Hawkeye, he is shocked to discover that the groom isn't Roy Mustang. Royai.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Late Objections

Edward Elric slammed the flier down onto Colonel Mustang's desk. "What the _hell_ is this, Mustang?"

Mustang put down the form he was skimming and gently picked up the small, lilac square of paper, decorated with flowers and written in a careful scroll. "It says that First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye and Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc are getting married." He set the paper down. "And you are cordially invited." His eyes met Ed's.

Ed glared. "Aren't you going to do something about it?"

"They've worked together for years, Fullmetal. It isn't surprising that they've come to feel…" Mustang paused, mentally searching for a word. "…emotions for each other. Furthermore, Grumman has sanctioned it. Apparently they're close enough in rank to be exempt from the fraternization laws."

"But... but..." Edward stared at his superior officer, incredulous. He looked back down at the invitation. The wedding was scheduled for today, in a little over an hour. "Why the short notice? Winry's going to be angry that she wasn't invited. She said once that she wanted to help Lieutenant Hawkeye pick out her dress." Honestly, though, the short notice was the least contributing factor to Ed's confusion.

"It's a very sudden thing that has come together only in the past few weeks. We didn't know you would be coming into town today until you called last night, so a quick invitation was created for you. Honestly, most everyone there will be military." Mustang glanced at the clock on the wall and stood. "You should probably head out there, now. I have some business to take care of, and will be running late." Mustang looked Edward up and down. "And please try to look presentable for the Lieutenant."

Ed grumpily straightened out his coat, wrinkled from a long train ride, as he marched out of the office. What was the colonel thinking, letting Hawkeye get married like this? To someone else? If there was one thing he had picked up on while working for the colonel, it was that there was something going on between the him and Hawkeye. It just didn't make sense.

"Make sure they don't get married without me!" Mustang called as he left. Ed slammed the office door behind him.

* * *

 

Ed found a seat between a surprisingly-clothed Major Armstrong and Scar, of all people. Scar looked just as confused to be there as Ed was.

"I thought the groom would be different."

Ed looked up at Scar, surprised by the blunt comment. He nodded in agreement, but the Ishvalan man said nothing more. Armstrong, meanwhile, had been giving a speech about the beauty of matrimony for the past five minutes, much to the annoyance of his sister on the other side of him.

It was an outdoor ceremony, with a floral arch constructed at the front for the vows. It was all rather nice, considering how Mustang had said it was all put together suddenly.

Music filled the area, played by a small orchestra of five Amestrian military officers to the right of the archway. Soon, the priest walked out before the archway, followed by Jean Havoc, Heymans Breda, Kain Fuery, and Vato Falman. Havoc was grinning from ear to ear, and winked at Ed when he caught his eye. Ed just blinked back, still confused. Breda and Fuery stood wide-eyed, clearly nervous to be at the front of such a large group of Amestrian military officers. Falman remained stoic as usual.

Not too long after, the bridesmaids started walking down the aisle. A smiling Lieutenant Maria Ross, followed by a clearly upset Lieutenant Rebecca Catalina, dragging her feet along the grass of the aisle. Ed was surprised by her reddened eyes and shaking shoulders - he had expected Hawkeye's best friend to be elated by this event.

Ed was soon distracted from the distraught Catalina by a dog's bark, and turned to see Black Hayate pouncing down the aisle. A pillow tied to his back boasted two gold rings, secured with a ribbon. The dog, clearly overwhelmed by the crowd, had to be constantly redirected by encouraging guests, as he constantly strayed from the aisle to sniff at them. He was scooped up by Fuery just as the music changed. Everyone stood.

The guests turned to watch as Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye slowly walked down the aisle, escorted on the arm of Fuhrer Grumman himself. There were several gasps throughout the audience at Hawkeye's dress, an ivory mermaid gown covered in lace, her shoulders wrapped in a shawl. Ed instinctively glanced around for Mustang, eager to see his reaction, but he still wasn't there. Would he really miss Hawkeye's wedding because of work?

Hawkeye reached the front of the archway, where she stood next to Havoc. Grumman gave her cheek a quick kiss before taking a seat in the front row. Hawkeye's face was bright red as Havoc took her hand and gave it a squeeze, both of them looking at each other with grins plastered onto their faces. Ed and the others sat back down.

The priest cleared his throat. "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Jean Havoc and Riza Hawkeye in matrimony. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Rebecca Catalina took a small step forward and opened her mouth. Just as it seemed she was about to object, a glare from Hawkeye convinced her to step back and stay silent. She stared at the ground, digging her shoe into the grass in front of her.

The priest continued. "The bride and groom have written their own vows for one another, and would like to share them with all of you." He gestured toward Havoc. "You may proceed."

Havoc took Riza's other hand in his own as he turned to face her, so that he was grasping both of her hands. "Riza Hawkeye, you made me the happiest man on the planet when you agreed to marry me. Those few months I spent away from you, when I was paralyzed, were the worst months of my life." A sob escaped from Rebecca Catalina. "Working beside you has been like living a dream, and it's a dream that I can't wait to continue for the rest of our lives." Hawkeye broke eye contact with him for a second, glancing around at the seated guests. She frowned a bit, worry creasing her brow, when she didn't spot whatever she was looking for. She looked back at Havoc and the smile returned. "When we're married, I promise that I will stop smoking. I will always do the work you ask me to do. And I swear that I will not eat your dog, despite it being considered a delicacy in some places." There were a few forced chuckles from those gathered. "I'd take a bullet for you, Riza. No matter where our paths may take us."

Riza grinned. "I can't imagine a world without you, R-" she stumbled on her words, and there were a few gasps from the audience. She regained her composure. "I can't imagine a world without you, _Jean_." Everyone, sitting on the edges of their seats, settled back down, slightly disappointed. "That night, when the homunculus Lust told me that you were dead, it felt like my life had ended - I saw no purpose for myself without you." Ed frowned. That wasn't the way Al had told the story. "When we're married, I promise not to complain when you do slip up and smoke a cigarette. I promise to be forgiving when you forget to do paperwork, and I promise not to nag you about it more than three times. I promise that I will trust you enough to take care of my dog when I am away." Her eye twitched. "Which I hope isn't often, because I hope to rarely be separated from you." She glanced at the audience again, the frown returning to her face. What was she looking for? Havoc caught sight of her frown, and looked out as well. He also frowned.

The priest gestured toward Fuery, still holding Hayate. With a nod, Fuery set the dog down and untied the rings from his back. He walked forward and handed them to Hawkeye and Havoc, who nervously accepted them.

The priest turned back to Havoc. "Do you, Jean Havoc, promise to take this woman as your wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, as long as you both shall live?"

A bead of sweat, visible as it reflected the sunlight overhead, travelled down Jean Havoc's jaw. "I do."

The priest turned to Hawkeye. "And do you, Riza Hawkeye, promise to take this man as your husband, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, as long as you both shall live?"

Hawkeye hesitated before speaking, scanning the crowd once more. "I…"

"I didn't finish my vows!" Havoc interrupted, clearly flustered. The priest looked slightly annoyed as he motioned for Havoc to continue. "Riza, I, uh, am really glad that I know you. And that you exist. You're very pretty! And, uh, you're really good and shooting people. What I mean is, well, I feel safe when I'm around you. Usually. When you aren't threatening to shoot me. Which I don't mind, because, well, I love you. Which is obvious. Because we're getting married. And, like, your eyes? They're beautiful, like the color of the muddy paw prints your dog leaves on the office floor on rainy days. And your hair is so lovely, and gold, and spiky… like the top of a pineapple, only blonde and not green."

Hawkeye's lips were pressed firmly together, her face a mixture of annoyance and amusement.

"And you have a nice ass! Well, I've heard you have a nice ass - Becky says you do, but I've never actually seen it because of our uniforms. But I'm sure it's there!" He quickly looked her up and down in her dress. "Yep, Becky's right! That dress fits… nice!" Havoc continued to struggle and fish for things to say, growing increasingly tense as he did so. Edward heard a snort from Scar next to him.

"He's stalling."

Ed's brow furrowed, then remembered Mustang's request that they not get married without him present. Was it because their superior officer wasn't there, and that they didn't want to complete the ceremony without him? He rubbed his chin, thinking and no longer listening to Havoc's stammering.

"I object!"

Havoc's poor flattery was interrupted by none other than Colonel Roy Mustang himself, marching down the aisle in his best suit, a folder tucked under his arm.

"Oh, thank god." Havoc sank to his knees as Mustang advanced toward them. Ed noticed that even Hawkeye looked relieved.

"You object?" The priest appeared confused.

"Yes, I object on the grounds that the priest is a Drachman spy!"

Angered flickered across the priest's face. "You have no proof of that!"

Mustang threw the folder down, photographs of various weapons spilling out onto the grass. "We have received several reports over the past few months that you have been working as an arms smuggler to several other Drachman spies that we have apprehended. While you were preparing and conducting this ceremony, I took a team and found these military-grade weapons hidden beneath the wooden floor planks in your confessional. After using some hasty alchemy to develop the photos, I rushed here to stop this wedding before you could actually marry my subordinates." As he talked, several members of the military rushed in from behind Mustang and arrested the priest. The priest continued to protest as he was dragged away.

Ed stood, angrily. "You mean this whole wedding was a set-up?"

"I thought that would have been clear by now, Fullmetal. We had to get the priest away from his church for a long enough period to conduct the search."

"You should have done a funeral, then."

Mustang bent down to pick up the spilled photographs. "We considered it, but there were worries that Fuery might actually get buried alive if I ran late." He straightened and grinned at Ed. "This way, we not only caught the priest, but there's also cake."

"I would rather have been fooled into seeing your funeral," Edward muttered.

Ed's anger was slightly appeased when Hawkeye marched up to Mustang and slapped him across the face with her bouquet. "You were late! I almost had to marry Havoc! Do you realize how catastrophic that could have been?"

Mustang stammered an excuse about having trouble developing the photographs. Meanwhile, Havoc was consoling a crying Rebecca Catalina.

"I knew it was fake, but I couldn't bear to watch you marry another woman!" Catalina flung her arms around Havoc's shoulders.

Havoc stroked her back. "Hush, you know I would never actually do that. I don't want to marry Hawkeye, and she sure as hell doesn't want to marry me." He kissed the top of her head. "And I was lying about my time being paralyzed being the worst time of my life - not being able to move was terrible, but I was happy to be close to you out East!"

Ed glared at Mustang again. "So everyone knew? That this was fake?"

Mustang nodded and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah. You and Scar both came into town last minute, and there wasn't time to explain. But it seemed weird not to invite you, since Central Command is pretty much deserted right now."

"It literally would have taken you two minutes to fill us in."

"But your concern over Hawkeye's choice in groom was so amusing!" Mustang chuckled as he looked over at the woman in question, who had joined Havoc in comforting her friend. Ed observed as his eyes travelled up and down her figure, admiring her dress. He noticed Ed watching him. "I wrote the vows, you know."

Ed nodded. "I figured, from Havoc's mumbling before you showed up." Ed realized that Mustang had returned to staring at Hawkeye. He coughed to regain his superior's attention, and Mustang's head snapped back around. "You mentioned cake, Colonel?"

* * *

 

Roy woke up in the middle of the night, the steadily beating heart of his companion a comfort as his head against her chest rose and fell with her breathing. He squeezed her tighter.

After the festivities of the almost-wedding, he had brought the blushing bride back to his apartment, where he had carried her over the threshold and into his bed. The dress, borrowed from one of his sisters, lay in an abandoned heap on the floor. The garter, tossed across the room, had already been claimed by Hayate as an elaborate collar. Roy was tempted to fight the dog to reclaim it as a keepsake.

"If you had been any slower today, I would be spending my wedding night with a different man," Riza murmured into his hair.

"Catalina would have clawed your eyes out before she let that happen," Roy chuckled, pressing a kiss to the skin between her breasts. "And of course, I had more reasons to object than the priest being a spy."

"Oh?"

"The thought of you spending your life with another man makes my blood boil." He began to make a trail of kisses up her neck.

"Roy?"

Roy paused as his kisses reached the corner of her mouth. "Hmm?"

"Next time I get married, promise not to be late?"

He kissed her, grinning, before he pulled away to reply. "I promise."

Next time, he vowed, he would get there before her. And he would wait for her, at the end of the aisle, as she walked down to meet him.

 


End file.
